


A Brief Window of Captain Jack Harkness

by To_the_end_of_the_line



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Children of Earth Compliant, Episode: s03e04 Children of Earth - Day 4, M/M, The 456
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 19:37:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/To_the_end_of_the_line/pseuds/To_the_end_of_the_line
Summary: A introspective look at Ianto's thoughts at the time of his death





	A Brief Window of Captain Jack Harkness

She wasn’t special. There was just something about her that set Ianto alight. There weren’t words to describe how she made him feel but it was immense, the kind of love they write about in fairy-tales… or so he had thought back then.   
She wasn’t special… but she was. His heart would skip at the smallest of glances his way. She’d smile and the butterflies would riot in the depths of his stomach. Her laugh was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.   
She was so special.   
He watched the bullets tear through her skin as if it were paper and he thought he’d never love again, he thought he’d never feel again. His insides were numb.   
He’d though his life had been a fairy-tale when in fact it had been a work Shakespeare himself could have been proud of. A tragedy.   
She hadn’t been the one.   
If she was, he would have died right there along side her.   
She hadn’t been the one and on some level he had always known that. He’d always known because everything about them had been whirlwind. In the short year they’d been together, it was good, it was great, but it wasn’t everything. It wasn’t the centre of his universe.  
He loved her, that had never been up for dispute, but she wasn’t the love of his life.  
He knows that now.   
In fact, he’s known that for a while. He’s known it since a few days after she died. He finally admitted it to himself when Jack came back to Cardiff, for him or so he’d said. He’d told Gwen the same thing and that had hurt. But that’s when he fell in love with Captain Jack Harkness for all that he was and all the he had been.   
That year had been tough in a way losing Lisa had never been. Not only because he loved Jack but because there were no answers. He didn’t know if he’d ever see him again and the thought made him feel empty.   
He refused to label it then.   
Ianto had taken to the drink those first few months. Destructive beyond destruction in a way he had never been, even after Torchwood one. He tried to forget but once you know the living legend that is Jack Harkness, you never forget, not even for one second, and you’re never the same again.   
Some nights it was hit or miss whether Ianto would still be there in the morning, but the team got him through it with the promise they would never leave him, and they gave him hope. He let himself believe that Jack wasn’t the be all and end all of Ianto’s world… but he was.   
And then he was back and Ianto fell head over heels at the promise of “Dinner? A movie?”. They still had to talk but Ianto had forgiven him even before that, even if Jack had wanted to end their little escapade.   
Then Tosh and Owen had died, and there was little comfort outside each other. Gwen had sought out Rhys and Jack had sought out Ianto. They overcame it together.   
For a year everything had been fine, it had been amazing. Ianto had been in love and he was pretty certain Jack felt it too despite neither ever saying it. It didn’t need to be said.  
Then it all went to shit in the way true love and tragedy had always promised. 

He feels the poison spreading through his system, clogging his throat and he can barely breath. His legs give out but Jack’s there to catch him.  
“No! No, no, no, no, no. No, Ianto. No.” He can barely see through his cloudy eyes and it hurts a lot but Jack’s there and he feels warm. “It’s all my fault.” There’s a lot he wants to say but he can barely get the words out of his throat to reassure Jack.   
“No, it’s not.” If there’s one thing he’ll never do, it’s blame Jack. He’ll never once hold Jack responsible for this and he’ll never once feel anything less than pure, overwhelming, utterly consuming love for him, no matter what comes next.   
“Don’t speak. Save your breath.” He can feel his cells dying. He can feel his consciousness fading, fast. There’re things he can’t leave this Earth without saying, truths that need to be said however much they may already be known.   
Lying here in Jack’s arms, the words can’t be buried anymore because they need to be said. He knows Jack won’t run but he needs him to know.  
“I love you,” he almost smiles through it all because his heart is so heavy with love, with gratitude, with Jack. He loves Jack. Jack is his one, his only one. Jack is his tragedy, his Shakespeare, his fairy-tale. He was his happily ever after and he’ll leave this life knowing that he got to have his tiny little miracle. He got to have a brief window of Captain Jack Harkness and he’ll never regret that.   
“Don’t.” It doesn’t even hurt to not have his words returned because he knows Jack feels them too. He can feel them in the grip around his body wanting to never let him go, his words begging him to stay and the tears falling off his skin knowing this is goodbye. He knows Jack Harkness has had many lovers, but he has loved, truly loved so few. He knows he’s one of them and he’ll carry that with him wherever he goes. “Ianto? Ianto. Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me, please. Stay with me. Stay with me, please.”   
His eyelids are unbearably heavy, but he doesn’t want to let them close just yet. He wants to memorise every angle, every imperfection, every perfection of Jack before he goes.  
“Hey. It was good, yeah?” It isn’t a question Jack needs to answer because he knows it was good, it was great, it was everything; but he says it because he needs Jack to know it was good for him too and he has no regrets. If loving Jack means clocking out early, he’d pull the trigger himself. Every second was worth it.  
“Yeah.” He’s beautiful in a way no person has ever been to Ianto. So obviously male, rugged and charming and yet that never put Ianto off. It wasn’t men, it was just him. He loved him in spite of labels and gender and the abundance of reasons not to. And it was fantastic. Utterly so.   
It was who he was that Ianto loved, not what he looked like, or what he could offer, but his soul.   
“Don’t forget me.”  
“Never could.” It’s so hard to believe because time has a funny way of erasing memories and Jack sure has an abundance of time, but he can hope. He can hope that Jack remembers the good times and that he is capable of love and being loved.   
“A thousand years’ time you won’t remember me.”  
“Yes, I will. I promise. I will.” He let’s his eyes flutter close, the burning impression of a strong jaw and blazing blue eyes imprinted on his mind. It feels so earnest. It feels like Jack’s confession. It feels like true love. Not a bad note to go out on.


End file.
